Fake laugh (once again)
Year 8
This is what we do:
it’s what the distant relative you see at Coles does:
it’s what the overly nice one in your friend group does:
it’s what the nervous & desperate newcomer does:
it’s what the oddly thoughtful sibling who knows you’ve had a bad day & teacher who doesn’t quite get your joke does:
it’s what the phoney reality tv show host does:
not to mention the fake-it-till-you-make-it-feeling-out-of-place students —
not to mention your grandparents & their old, out-of-touch friends
not to mention the people who find your joke funny but haven’t laughed for a while
not to mention to your parent’s friend’s brother’s daughter who you call aunty and have to be polite to
& the shopkeeper & busdriver & doctor & really sweet worker who asks you if you like your jeans in the fitting rooms
& your new debating coach over Zoom & you. When you don’t know what else to do
this is what they do:
notice: the indecisive dance of their fingers
notice: their awkward, apprehensive smile
notice: thenot-so-subtle twitch of their nose
notice: the burning silence that brims on the edge of tongues
notice: the bittersweet tang to the air
notice: the hoarse and hollow chuckle; cough or a laugh?
notice: the remorseful cringe, the folding of their features
notice: the equally fake smile that follows
They regret it every time
But fake laugh nevertheless